coffee after 7 is bad for you.
or maybe not for you, but for me.
you see, i have to wake up at 7 tomorrow. or 8. or 9.
and i have to be at work, say, around 10:30..
because my manager, you see, he doesn't like it when i clock in early-
or, rather, on time.
he wants me to get there earlier so i am ready to work at 10:45.
so i get there on time.
i get there early, because i take the bus.
and i take the bus because its cheap
because i have to.

i drink coffee after 7 because it's good for me.
because it keeps me awake and makes me happy.
i drink it so i can be awake all night
so i can sit and think and dream and dream of him
of my darling
of him.
but still
i have to wake up early.
and its 2am.
2:30.
3.
4:30.

i drink coffee after 7 and eventually it kills me.
eventually it catches up to me.
eventually everything does, especially when i drink my coffee
after 7.


i don't read anymore.
i should
but i just don't.

i dropped out of school
because i hate it.

i'm dropping out of life too.
not in a melancholy sense.
not in a macabre sense.
not in a mean masochistic sense.
but in the sense that i'm finally being born again.



you know-
i was baptized when i was 8. or 9. or 10..
or 11. or 12. or 13.

lost my virginity when i was 16.
kept it going as a sinner and a saint.
part time on, part time off duty.
you never know what life is made of though,
and you don't know what true salvation is,
until you find the him or her that completes you.


jesus never made me want to do anything holy.
but everywhere mark is, i want to be.
and i don't think either of us are gods.
i'm just saying
if gods exist at all,
they're probably looking at us.
cause we are something.




something amazing.




i am the happiest i've ever been.
and at two and a half a.m.
i am the most delirious as well.


so goodnight.
farewell.
<3